


I wanna tell you but I don’t know how

by anenemyanenome



Series: 9-1-1 prompts [5]
Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Feelings Realization, Humor, M/M, Pre-Relationship, bobby’s POV, s4 compliant
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-31
Updated: 2021-01-31
Packaged: 2021-03-17 23:07:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 977
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29108313
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anenemyanenome/pseuds/anenemyanenome
Summary: Bobby is grateful for his crew but he could do without the heart attacks they keep giving him.Or, Buck panics and worries Bobby but it’s all okay in the end
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Series: 9-1-1 prompts [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2050092
Comments: 23
Kudos: 223
Collections: 9-1-1 Tales





	I wanna tell you but I don’t know how

**Author's Note:**

> Pre ep 4.01 but like, right before. I would say, the shift right before ep 4.01.  
> It fits with what we know about s4 so far, it’s basically what I’m trying to say.

They’re in the middle of a Saturday shift and Bobby is taking care of lunch. So many things have changed since the start of the pandemic and Bobby is glad he can finally cook for his crew again. 

From April on, they were advised against having any food preparation happen on site, the department opting for external catering instead. That meant that for five months straight they’ve been eating sandwiches and anything that could be wrapped in plastic and stored in their fridge or cabinets. That got old very fast. 

Friday, he finally got the memo from the brass saying they could return to using the kitchen as normal. Bobby suspects it might be more due to budget cuts than an actual sign that things are easing up any time soon. Either way, he’s going to make the most of it. 

There’s always something that settles within him when he cooks for his crew and family. Knowing that he’s providing for them, taking care of them, knowing that the effort is appreciated by all of them, given the praise he always gets... it restores something in him, to say the least. 

He wipes his hands on the cloth he keeps near him at all times when he’s cooking and surveys the loft. His crew is scattered all around, focused on their tasks or relaxing as they wait for the next call. 

The day has been pretty calm so far. Well, as calm as LA can be in the middle of a pandemic. They’ve had two pretty uneventful calls, they were out for less than two hours in total. 

He can see Chim and Hen on the pool table. He knows Hen has been sneaking serious conversations with Chim into their down time for a while now, and he has no doubts that’s what she is doing at the moment. 

He has noticed a pattern. Hen starts by teasing Chim, challenging him for some kind of game or activity - pinball, pool, card games, video games, you name it - and when Chim lowers his guard, she coaxes him into talking about his fears and tries to convince him to go back to Maddie and the baby. 

Bobby has tried to talk to Chim a couple of times but with little success. He shakes his head. Maybe today is the day Hen persuades him to go back home. He knows he and Buck are finally reaching a breaking point and getting on each other’s nerves more often than not lately. Speaking of..

Buck is sitting on the couch with a soft smile on his face, watching Eddie pace around as he FaceTimes Chris. 

Bobby allows himself to just observe him for a second. He thinks about all the things that Buck has been through since he joined the 118 and can’t help the sad smile that settles on his face. He knows everybody jokes about Buck being his son but he really loves the kid. To see him smiling, content, like the hardships of last year never even happened, soothes some of the hurt in his chest.

Suddenly, the soft smile gracing Buck’s face fades and alarm takes over, his whole body tensing as well. Bobby looks around trying to find the cause but nothing has changed. Distressed and with his heart in his throat he goes around the kitchen island and reaches Buck quickly, putting a hand on his shoulder. 

“What’s wrong?”

Buck startles and looks at him, the panic evident in his eyes. Worry gnaws at him from the inside and he squeezes Buck’s shoulder trying to ground him when he feels him getting close to hyperventilation. 

“What’s wrong, Buck? What’s going on?” 

Buck let’s out a little strangled laugh and rubs his face saying “Fuck.”

Bobby rubs his shoulder, frowning. Has Buck been having panic attacks? Has this been happening lately and he hasn’t noticed like nobody is not noticing now? Has he failed this man again? 

Buck takes a deep breath and looks at him with a self-deprecating smile. “I’m sorry.”

“Buck, you have nothing to be sorry about, if-”

Buck interrupts, shaking his head quietly. “No, seriously.. Sorry for worrying you, it’s nothing bad. I mean- I- oh god, this is so stupid.” 

He puts his face in his hands with a groan that almost sounds like a laugh. 

Bobby frowns. “If it’s gotten you like this, then it’s not stupid, Buck.”

Buck laughs again. “Oh, it is, believe me.”

“Buck..”

Buck looks back at him and with the same self deprecating smile from before, he shrugs. “I think I’m in love with Eddie?”

Bobby feels his eyebrows climb up on his face. 

That.. was not what he was expecting.

Buck laughs at his expression. “I know, what the fuck.” 

“Buck, I-“

But that only makes Buck laugh harder. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I can’t stop, this is so stupid. It just hit me out of nowhere and I wasn’t expecting it. I’m sorry for worrying you, oh my god.”

“Hey, what’s going on over there?” Hen shouts from over at the pool table. 

Bobby finally cracks and laughs as well, which sets Buck off again. In no time Hen and Chim are next to them trying to figure out what’s so funny, but Bobby doesn’t cave. If Buck decides to share, then fine, but he’s not going to betray his trust like that. 

He doesn’t miss the warm smile Eddie throws their way, though. The way his eyes linger on Buck when Buck throws his head back laughing, when he wipes his eyes before letting out another set of giggles when Chim pokes him trying to find out what the joke is. Or the way his cheeks darken when he finally meets Bobby’s eyes over the couch, no doubt feeling caught.

Bobby chuckles and throws him a kind smile. 

His boys will be alright.

**Author's Note:**

> Yo, how happy are you that Buck is finally getting some therapy???  
> In my head this realization comes from Buck being more honest with himself and really taking to heart what his therapist told him about hiding his feelings.
> 
> This is a series where I post my drafts in hopes of motivating both myself and others to continue my stories.


End file.
